Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
