3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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