just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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