the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
