I feel great
I just peed on a car
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
