If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
