Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
