It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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