I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
