sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
