Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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