K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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