Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's never too late to be topless.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I would fuck him just for his dog
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
