Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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