you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
