she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
