she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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