I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
