I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
