She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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