I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
