I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
