When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i would punch a child for taco bell
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
