Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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