i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
