I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
