She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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