i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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