the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
