I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
