i may or may not be watching the land before time
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
