Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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