Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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