Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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