I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
