You work out of a Hotel?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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