Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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