he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
