how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
