i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the day after is always just damage control
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
