Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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