My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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