At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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