you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
