It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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