There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
