I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My vagina is officially offended.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
