Soap is not a condiment
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
