yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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