Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
