I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
