Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
