remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she told me i tasted like america
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
