i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
