Me too!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
