Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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