I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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