My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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